living the life i want to live

when you are a victim, life just happens to you. the good and the bad. and somehow you start to believe that you deserve whatever comes into your life as if you chose it for yourself. and it’s real easy to get stuck in this mentality. because you really do believe that there is nothing that you can do to get yourself out of it.

once a victim, always a victim.

i remember after my car accident and brain injury, feeling such a sense of i am not in control of what happens to me. which is true in lots of ways. there are so many things we can’t control in this wild crazy life, but that doesn’t mean we have to just give up and die. it doesn’t mean we don’t get to choose the life we want for ourselves.

it was so hard for me to get out of this victim mentality. it was years before i was really able to shake it. and the truth is that i didn’t want to believe that i got to choose because it just hurt too bad. in lots of ways, it was easier to play the victim. i didn’t have to be accountable for anything. i could just blame my life on the accident and stay miserable and i wouldn’t have to do anything that put my heart out there to be broken again.

yikes! that is a scary place to be. and if you are there right now, i totally understand because i have been there. and i have grace for you. i really do.

but here is the deal… we absolutely get to choose what we want our life to look like.

and if it hurts for me to say that, you are most likely still stuck in a victim mentality. life has happened to you and deep down you don’t want to believe that you have a choice. and this post is for you.

i think that is the biggest piece that i will take away from my trip to see melody ross, who by the way is the real deal and is living out these principles in her life. melody is living the life that she chose. she sat down and wrote out what she wanted her life to look like and what she didn’t want her life to look like. and she was specific and detailed. and then after melody wrote down what she wanted, she made decisions to get her closer to this life. and she worked hard. and whenever an opportunity presents itself, she asks… will this get me closer to the life that i want to live? and if not, she says no.

and sometimes when you do this, you might have to say no to things that seem to be wonderful but don’t get you closer to your dreams. that is the hard part. but as i looked at melody’s life and we sat and talked and painted, i realized that i actually get to choose how i want to put my business together. i get to choose who i want to work with. i get to choose what is important to me… my family and solitude and making art. i get to say no to things that feel yucky. i get to hang out with people who see me and love me without conditions. i get to surround myself with beautiful things. all of these things are my choice… i get to choose.

of course there are things that are out of our control… like car accidents and chronic illness and death and all sorts of other things. but we get to choose not to be the victim anymore. we get to choose to make the most of the things we do have control over. we can choose beauty and a full life with people that we love. and we can take steps closer and closer to the life we really want to live.

sometimes we have to start with baby steps. saying no to that commitment that you don’t have time to squeeze in or just don’t even want to do. stop listening to who someone else says you are. stop filling your time with things that don’t matter. buy yourself a bouquet of flowers because you deserve to be surrounded with beauty. give yourself time to sit down and journal or do art because it’s what you really want to do. skip that extra serving of ice cream because you want to be healthy. all of these little choices lead to living the life you really want to live. today. so start with something small.

i realize that this might not be what you want to hear right now, because sometimes it is easier to continue being the victim. trust me, i know. but what if you really do get to choose the life you want to live? what will you choose?