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Learning How to Walk Away With Dignity

July 3, 2015

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I am writing this post mostly for myself. So I can process. Breathe through it. And most of all, to release it. As I am walking away from a friendship, I realize that I probably never really will get closure. Oh, maybe in a few years we will resolve things, but maybe not.

We have all been there. The place where we are all of a sudden in the midst of a very drama filled situation with a friend. Usually the closer the friendship, the bigger the explosion. It’s not my first time around the block. I have lost several friendships in this way. Either there is too much hurt caused on both sides, or one person doesn’t communicate. And you are left thinking, what the heck am I supposed to do with this?

And usually it’s followed by all these questions… What did I do? What in the world are they thinking? Why can’t they just communicate with me? Oftentimes, these situations get us deeply focused on ourselves. I will often find myself beating myself up about something that may or may not have anything to do with me. This is often the destruction left behind. And sometimes it takes years to weed through it.

Hurt people, hurt people.

So most of the time, the hurt just goes back and forth. And it becomes some manipulative cycle of getting the other person to see your pain. On both sides. It all comes down to well, you… but you… And when it gets to that point, most of the time it spirals out of control.

Oh and the justification… Ugh with the justification already. Right, I see how me saying the wrong thing gave you permission to completely shut me out. (Vent over).

Guess what? I refuse to go there anymore. Because usually I am the one who walks away wounded. I am learning that I don’t have to let that other person wound me. I am amazing. And especially in this situation, I know that it has nothing to do with me or anything I did. (I think it has more to do with who I am, and my friend just can’t handle being around me right now.) And I’m ok with that.

Anyways, most of the conversation always goes back to me. Well, if you hadn’t said this then I wouldn’t have done this. And round and round we go, without any resolution. It’s always the same. The blaming. And as a highly sensitive person, I usually end up carrying it all around with me.

I think it’s time for me to get off this particular roller coaster.

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Not this time. Sorry. Not my circus, not my monkeys.

Right now. I still love my beautiful friend. But I know she can’t see it through all of the hurt.

I choose to walk away in dignity. I choose to tell her the truth. I choose to walk away as a whole person.

And you know what? That feels AMAZING!!! I am so dang proud of myself for continuing to love myself through this. I am so proud of myself for setting boundaries and not letting someone talk to me in certain ways.

Thanks for the little chat. And thanks for listening to me process.

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7 Comments leave one →
  1. Laura Toews permalink
    July 3, 2015 10:59 am

    That’s tough. I’m sorry for your pain (and the pain in your friend). May time bring reconciliation, healing, and joy. Vulnerability is so beautiful.

  2. July 3, 2015 2:25 pm

    Au contraire, thank you for sharing such personal thoughts with us. I as your reader have your back. The decision to put distance is a wise one. You must do everything you can for your well being. Be strong. It will be alright.

  3. embroiderpiccies permalink
    July 4, 2015 6:43 am

    HI. Well done you. Struggling with relationships myself, and coming to terms with the realisation that my skills are sorely lacking (won’t bore you with details) and like you am sensitive. I recently came across two TED talks – given by Brene Brown. They were so enlightening for everyday living, you may find them of interest. She’s also written books – which I am working through – but again enlightening in a way that so many self help books do not.
    I wish you well
    sue

  4. Sheila permalink
    July 4, 2015 5:18 pm

    I totally get this! Big scars, questioning self, trusting again. Thank you for writing this post.
    Sheila

  5. Lisa goetowski permalink
    July 5, 2015 10:44 am

    So hello. Just found your blog as I go on my own ArtQuest healing journey. Much of your story echos mine. Recovering from trauma (cancer with chemo and surgeries). Body disconnect (because of sickness felt from undiagnosed cancer). Fatigue (from chemo, body disconnect, who knows what). Working with alternative healing to try and over come (for me Jin shin jyutsu, TRE and quantum biofeedback back) and recover from the chronic fight, flight or frozen. A serious friendship loss (when my post cancer self didn’t mesh with my best friend’s personality any more). I really appreciate your post as it reminds me that I am not the only one these things have happened to. It helps to know there are others out there. Thanks

  6. July 6, 2015 3:29 pm

    I can see you growing from here….Peace to your heart and soul

  7. rosemary permalink
    May 21, 2016 2:56 pm

    You are a brave girl! You will grow strong and healthy as you clear all the bad emotions away and no longer let people hurt and dominate you. I know I am also a work in process and I am 74 years young.
    Love your art all the best.

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