the driving cringe part two
part two of three. click here to read part one.
the flinching and cringing while riding in a car soon became a source of tension in my marriage. all we did was fight whenever we drove anywhere together. i usually started yelling at my husband about the way in which he was driving the car. he was going too fast. he was too close to another car. he didn’t see a car turning. every time we came close to another “accident” i would cry out in panic. my hands often reached for the dashboard in anticipation. i would incessantly attack his driving. and he would endlessly defend his driving. it got so bad he would tell me to just close my eyes.
i couldn’t turn off the images in my head. it was the same movie that would play over and over again. i could literally see cars hitting our car as we were driving along. it was like visualizing your worst nightmare coming true, and yet knowing that your fears might be completely irrational. the hardest part was other people not understanding what i was going through, my husband included. how could they?
i had no idea that what i was experiencing was normal. i didn’t know there was a name for it. that many car accident victims experience the same symptoms. and i wouldn’t find this out until much later, nearly one year after my car accident when i would finally seek professional help for my issues.