the driving cringe
hello dear friends. this post is the first in a series i am starting in which i will document life after my car accident. it has been a very long journey to get to where i am now and i hope that through sharing some of these stories that you will get a peek into my life. but i also am hoping to reach out to other people who are walking through something similar. so if you know anyone who has been in a car accident, please recommend these posts to them. this is the story of how my life was turned upside down after a car accident.
it was a daily occurrence. basically every time i entered a car. you can avoid driving to a certain extent, hide out in your home. and there were many days that i did just that. but part of getting better was going to all of my different appointments. i couldn’t avoid those. not really. don’t get me wrong, there were many missed appointments. but most of those were missed because my brain wasn’t working anymore. so driving and riding in a car, i couldn’t avoid.
every time it was the same story. it was always worse when i was a passenger. my illusion of control was completely gone when i was simply riding and not driving. i saw accidents in my mind happen around every corner. if a car came too close to ours, i would uncontrollably jump right out of my seat. my knuckles were pure white from gripping the handle on the door. every muscle in my body would tense up with the anticipation of another car accident. and the day after one of these rides, my pain level would be almost unbearable. and this was only driving around town.
on the days that we drove to denver, well that was a different story. denver is only one hour away from where i live. but the tension in my body was out of control on these trips. it got so bad that i finally started bringing my night eye mask to wear for the entire trip. if i couldn’t see, then i wouldn’t tense up quite as much. of course, with every jerk of the car i still imagined the worst.
these experiences went on for the better part of a year. i often wondered if my life would ever be the same. stay tuned for part two.