It’s just like breathing. Easy. Second nature. Something our bodies do.
Only what if… What if your body was not breathing the right way? What if your breathing was off of broken? Then what?
Then you feel very sick. Trust me.
The last month I have been in and out of the ER and the doctor’s office trying to get the help I needed. Every time I went in it was the same story, no one could really tell me what in the heck was going on!
Can I tell you how frustrating that is? The not knowing. The feeling like you are crazy. The desperation you feel of just wanting someone to tell you what in the world is wrong with you but all the tests come back normal. Which of course, is good. At least I wasn’t dying of cancer or something.
I remember thinking, all I know is I can’t breathe.
So most days, it’s been all I can do to just survive. Breathe. Just breathe. Just focus on living. Surviving. And that’s been pretty much all I have been doing for the last month or so.
And there has been plenty of time to choose vulnerable. To learn how to trust in every single breath. I wasn’t living day to day… it was minute by minute, breath by breath.
I know we all talk about how important it is to breathe. But I don’t think I really even understood the importance of breathing.
Breathing is the essence of staying present. When you can’t breathe, you panic. You run. It’s fight or flight.
After some time, we started getting some answers about my health. I will share with you briefly what has been going on. My body got worn down from several different infections and all the antibiotics I had taken. Which caused so much stress that it worsened a breathing problem that I already had. Stress affects our breathing, go figure. And so I was basically hyperventilating on a daily basis, without even knowing I was doing it. I ended up with a a CO2 deficiency. It sounds crazy, but CO2 is very important to the brain. It’s what signals your body to breathe. If you don’t have it, your body doesn’t deliver oxygen to your organs. Bizarre I know.
So… I started breathing training last week. And it’s made all the difference in the world. I feel like a new person. I am now retraining my brain how to breathe. It’s not about deep breathing because that often perpetuates the problem of over breathing. It’s more about slowing down the exhale and letting your body do the work it was meant to do.
Anyways, I have probably had this problem for a very long time. Maybe even before the car accident. But trauma and stress has only made it worse. And learning the correct way to breathe is going to give my body the tools that it needs to heal properly.
Today I feel like a new person. A week ago I couldn’t even drive a car or sit at my computer. I am soooo very thankful. We take so much for granted when it comes to our health don’t we? We take breathing for granted. So I am hoping that I have really turned a corner and I can start getting my life back in order. Even though this last month has been very difficult, I am so glad that because of it, I am learning something that I really needed in order to thrive.
I have a lot of fun stuff to share with you soon!
Hey all! This week totally got away from me and I am just stopping in to say that I am a finalist in the Uncommon Goods Contest that I entered! I was chosen among 12 finalists. The six pieces with the most votes will move on to the next round! I would so appreciate your vote!!! And there is only one day left to vote. Thanks so much!!! Go here to vote!
Yep. It’s true. I am not sure what really took me so long to open a Pinterest account. I suppose I was hoping to avoid the time suck. But the benefits finally outweighed the negatives. I hope to keep it as documentation for inspiration. I can’t be on there too long without wanting to go paint from overload of inspiration! So If you are on Pinterest, follow me here.
Here are some of my newest pieces. Feel free to pin them!!! Sorry I don’t have the capability to do a little Pin it button just yet.
I am not going to apologize. I really don’t need to. Because I choose vulnerable. Because I choose broken.
Sometimes it’s a battle. It’s really not the easy or pretty choice. It doesn’t fit in your nice little neat box with the ends tied up perfectly.
Some things just can’t be fixed. I am okay with that. I will be okay with that even tomorrow. Because it’s a choice. To choose broken.
It’s really funny to me, how many people are uncomfortable with broken. It baffles their little minds. And they spin in circles to try to fix you. Maybe if you try A, B or C… it will fix your broken.
They can’t understand it. Because they don’t want to be broken themselves. If they could just smooth away all the troubles in this world, they would.
I am tired of trying to fix. I am choosing not to anymore. I know it’s a shocker to those who cannot even comprehend this idea.
I choose hope instead. I choose waiting. I choose trust. I choose trust without limitations. I choose beauty. I choose life in my broken. I choose breathing.
Do you know why and how I can even possibly choose these things? Because God used the most broken thing in my life to bring beauty, life, restoration and healing.
It’s as simple as that. I will make it through the bumps. I will make it through the hard. Because I can trust that beauty is in the broken. And I choose to wait for Him to put the pieces back together, instead of trying to do it all on my own.
Just so you know… I am okay with my broken. I am okay that I don’t have all the answers. And I am filled with joy that I don’t have to find all of them. I am free.
My word for this year is grounded. Grounded is when you are planted firm. Not swayed by the hard things or the easy. But grounded in love.
When you stop trying to fix everything, you can finally see the beauty that was there all along. I am ok with broken. Even yours.
Yep. The final week of Make Art That Sells was a very long time ago. Pretty sure it’s been months. But I still wanted to share it with you all. It was probably my most favorite of all the projects! The theme was folk art and we were to design party paper, a very fun market. So we were supposed to design a plate, napkin, cup… that kind of thing. I felt really good about how my design turned out. And it was super fun because Lilla again chose to talk about my design and why it was ready to send and what she would tell me if she were my agent. It felt so awesome because I had worked my butt off to become a better artist between classes. And it was just really nice to know that all of that hard work paid off. Hope you enjoy!
Hey all!!! It has been a while. Man the summer is just flying by. I am having a fabulous summer and I hope you are too! I haven’t been around much I know. My little biscuit got really really sick with a stomach bug last week and it was awful! I feel like I am still catching up and still exhausted. I have so much new work to share with all of you. Some of the pieces I made for Bootcamp, and others are for contests. I think if it weren’t for doing all of these contests, I wouldn’t be creating as much. It really helps me stay on track and gives my summer the structure that I need.
This first piece was for Bootcamp. It’s an editorial piece that goes with an article on meditation. So that is why it says the benefits of meditation. I think I would like to rework it for a wall art piece. Any thoughts on words I should add?
This next piece is my submission to a mixed media wall art contest for Uncommon Goods. I really love it to pieces. It’s my new favorite. I love all of the textures, photography, digital and watercolors mixed together. It was a lot of fun creating!!!
This last one is a piece for the floral Tigerprint Competition. I really struggled making this one. I was trying to really incorporate painted elements with digital. I really love the way it turned out, even though it was a battle to get it to do what I wanted it to do. This pattern feels like me. I was able to take the messy/ painted side of my art and combine it with a more structured digital side.
So there you go. I have some more work to share, but we will stop there today. I am off to go paint some. Have a fabulous day!!!