Hello everyone! It has been way too long. The journey to healing for me over the last few months has been longer than I really expected. I am just starting to feel better finally and starting to get some things done for my business. These health issues have really slowed me down. So I have really had to listen to my body. But I just wanted to let you know I am so thankful for all of your love and support. Even though I am not around much these days.
Here is a fun new painting I did in my good moments this last month.
It’s just like breathing. Easy. Second nature. Something our bodies do.
Only what if… What if your body was not breathing the right way? What if your breathing was off of broken? Then what?
Then you feel very sick. Trust me.
The last month I have been in and out of the ER and the doctor’s office trying to get the help I needed. Every time I went in it was the same story, no one could really tell me what in the heck was going on!
Can I tell you how frustrating that is? The not knowing. The feeling like you are crazy. The desperation you feel of just wanting someone to tell you what in the world is wrong with you but all the tests come back normal. Which of course, is good. At least I wasn’t dying of cancer or something.
I remember thinking, all I know is I can’t breathe.
So most days, it’s been all I can do to just survive. Breathe. Just breathe. Just focus on living. Surviving. And that’s been pretty much all I have been doing for the last month or so.
And there has been plenty of time to choose vulnerable. To learn how to trust in every single breath. I wasn’t living day to day… it was minute by minute, breath by breath.
I know we all talk about how important it is to breathe. But I don’t think I really even understood the importance of breathing.
Breathing is the essence of staying present. When you can’t breathe, you panic. You run. It’s fight or flight.
After some time, we started getting some answers about my health. I will share with you briefly what has been going on. My body got worn down from several different infections and all the antibiotics I had taken. Which caused so much stress that it worsened a breathing problem that I already had. Stress affects our breathing, go figure. And so I was basically hyperventilating on a daily basis, without even knowing I was doing it. I ended up with a a CO2 deficiency. It sounds crazy, but CO2 is very important to the brain. It’s what signals your body to breathe. If you don’t have it, your body doesn’t deliver oxygen to your organs. Bizarre I know.
So… I started breathing training last week. And it’s made all the difference in the world. I feel like a new person. I am now retraining my brain how to breathe. It’s not about deep breathing because that often perpetuates the problem of over breathing. It’s more about slowing down the exhale and letting your body do the work it was meant to do.
Anyways, I have probably had this problem for a very long time. Maybe even before the car accident. But trauma and stress has only made it worse. And learning the correct way to breathe is going to give my body the tools that it needs to heal properly.
Today I feel like a new person. A week ago I couldn’t even drive a car or sit at my computer. I am soooo very thankful. We take so much for granted when it comes to our health don’t we? We take breathing for granted. So I am hoping that I have really turned a corner and I can start getting my life back in order. Even though this last month has been very difficult, I am so glad that because of it, I am learning something that I really needed in order to thrive.
I have a lot of fun stuff to share with you soon!
Hey all! This week totally got away from me and I am just stopping in to say that I am a finalist in the Uncommon Goods Contest that I entered! I was chosen among 12 finalists. The six pieces with the most votes will move on to the next round! I would so appreciate your vote!!! And there is only one day left to vote. Thanks so much!!! Go here to vote!
Yep. It’s true. I am not sure what really took me so long to open a Pinterest account. I suppose I was hoping to avoid the time suck. But the benefits finally outweighed the negatives. I hope to keep it as documentation for inspiration. I can’t be on there too long without wanting to go paint from overload of inspiration! So If you are on Pinterest, follow me here.
Here are some of my newest pieces. Feel free to pin them!!! Sorry I don’t have the capability to do a little Pin it button just yet.
I am not going to apologize. I really don’t need to. Because I choose vulnerable. Because I choose broken.
Sometimes it’s a battle. It’s really not the easy or pretty choice. It doesn’t fit in your nice little neat box with the ends tied up perfectly.
Some things just can’t be fixed. I am okay with that. I will be okay with that even tomorrow. Because it’s a choice. To choose broken.
It’s really funny to me, how many people are uncomfortable with broken. It baffles their little minds. And they spin in circles to try to fix you. Maybe if you try A, B or C… it will fix your broken.
They can’t understand it. Because they don’t want to be broken themselves. If they could just smooth away all the troubles in this world, they would.
I am tired of trying to fix. I am choosing not to anymore. I know it’s a shocker to those who cannot even comprehend this idea.
I choose hope instead. I choose waiting. I choose trust. I choose trust without limitations. I choose beauty. I choose life in my broken. I choose breathing.
Do you know why and how I can even possibly choose these things? Because God used the most broken thing in my life to bring beauty, life, restoration and healing.
It’s as simple as that. I will make it through the bumps. I will make it through the hard. Because I can trust that beauty is in the broken. And I choose to wait for Him to put the pieces back together, instead of trying to do it all on my own.
Just so you know… I am okay with my broken. I am okay that I don’t have all the answers. And I am filled with joy that I don’t have to find all of them. I am free.
My word for this year is grounded. Grounded is when you are planted firm. Not swayed by the hard things or the easy. But grounded in love.
When you stop trying to fix everything, you can finally see the beauty that was there all along. I am ok with broken. Even yours.