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unspoken shame

April 10, 2012

mixed media

we all have it. it’s the underlying lies we listen to day in and day out playing out in our heads. the shame enters our heart during one particular event, but we live it out every single day. the harsh words of a friend, a trauma, or even something that happened to us as a child.

it’s all the same. the lies taint the view of how we see ourselves. the message is the same for all of us.

i am not good enough. i need to do more in order to be acceptable. i am not pretty enough, skinny enough. i always mess everything up. it’s not ok to not be ok. i need to have it altogether. i can’t show anyone who i really am because no one will really love me. i need to be strong and i can’t show anyone that i am really weak. i can’t need someone else’s help. i should be able to do it all and with a smile on my face.

uncomfortable much?

the truth is that we all have these lies that attack our very identity. and we would rather live with these lies than tell anyone else our shortcomings. carrying these lies with us, sometimes even to the grave.

we are embarrassed. we would do anything to not talk about these stupid little lies. we are afraid that they just might be true. and so we disconnect from other people. we run. or we blame it on someone else. anything to get away from shame.

let me tell you a little secret from someone who has ran away from shame for a very long time…

if you speak it out… if you tell someone that you really trust… these lies lose their power. because most of them are silly when you actually say them out loud.

for years, and i mean for years. i believed somehow that the car accident and all of the pain that followed was somehow my fault. the way i received treatment was wrong, i should have done something differently. the health problems i struggled with years following my accident… those were all my fault. i somehow deserved it.

now… speaking that out i can see how absolutely ridiculous that sounds. it wasn’t my fault. but that is what i believed. the silly thing is that this one thought made me miserable for years. and now that i am free, i feel like a huge weight has been lifted off of my shoulders.

you mean i don’t have to walk around with this stupid silly thought weighing me down? no. and neither do you.

and the first step is speaking it out and recognizing it. sometimes it’s hard to recognize these lies. but if you follow your thoughts and fears, you will get to the root belief. it’s not pretty or easy, but trust me, it will all be worth it.

let go of the fear. speak out your shame. and be free!!!

i know these things are not easy to talk about. trust me. if it was, they would not hold so much power over us for such a long time. but if you are feeling brave and vulnerable, feel free to speak out some of your lies in the comments… i will be sharing more soon about what to do after you discover the lie because that part is important too!!!

13 Comments leave one →
  1. April 10, 2012 9:25 am

    thank you for this. so important to speak about shame and to speak the shame in order to heal it. Shame is the topic we are doing in my sanctuary this month, going to direct my ladies to read your post!

  2. April 10, 2012 9:28 am

    tried commenting but then it asked me to log in and I lost it. So here goes again 🙂 thank you for this, thank you for speaking about the topics so many of us need to talk about. This month we are working through shame in my sanctuary, I am going to direct my ladies to your post 🙂

  3. April 10, 2012 10:33 am

    a lot of young ladies feel the way you desribed, but the most beautiful girl is what god created and this is you. let yourself be open and exposed for the world to know. u r perfect in god’s eyes, and you can’t get any better than that!

  4. April 10, 2012 10:52 am

    I just told one of my best friends a few weeks ago that I hated myself for a really long time, and that I thought God hated me too. She really had no idea that my depression went that deep. By the time I told her, the Lord had already performed a great healing on my soul, but I wonder if maybe I had told her or someone sooner if perhaps the healing would have come a long time ago…but I can’t live in the world of what if. Grateful for healing now. I love what you are doing here….

  5. ann dickey permalink
    April 10, 2012 11:07 am

    i think if we all understood shame… i mean REALLY were taught at a young age what it is, how it works, and what it needs to grow~ i believe that it could change the world…
    and make our world a kinder, softer place.

    • April 11, 2012 8:57 am

      completely true. instead we learn how to bury our shame so deep that we don’t even know where or how to recognize it when we get older. it just cripples us.

  6. April 10, 2012 11:16 am

    Boy, did I need this today! Feeling that it was my fault that my husband had an affair has been tearing me apart and then ‘her’ telling me this weekend that it was my fault that our marriage was over before he came calling on her…devastation to hear this and reciting it over and over reinforced the thoughts I already had. I cannot let this get me down. I have to keep telling myself that I am in control. Waiting to see if I need brain surgery just makes it worse–I feel helpless and weak. Oh, I want to be free from this burden. Thanks for this! Deep down I know that it wasn’t my fault and that I definitely do not deserve this but it keeps gnawing at me. I have to be strong.

    • April 11, 2012 8:58 am

      dear one… i am so so glad you were here to listen to this message. let it go deep and sink in.

  7. April 10, 2012 4:30 pm

    Great post and beautiful picture! Inspired and inspiring 🙂

  8. Asni permalink
    April 10, 2012 5:07 pm

    Your artwork is beautiful and the message is awesome. I would like to have your permission to post your artwork in my blogger blog with credit given to your name and a link back to your blog.

    Thank you in advance!

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