Blueprint to Joy
When I was a little girl, my father used to take me to work with him on occasion. He was an electrical engineer. I would absolutely love to sit at one of those big drafting desks and draw all over his old blueprints with highlighters. It made me feel important, like I had a very special job to do. Pure joy.
This last year has been one of really evaluating my life and trying to find the things that really bring me joy. They are mostly simple things. Creating beauty. Painting. Making my space pretty. Selling my art. Snuggling my girls. Spending time with my loves. Cooking. Enjoying my life.
But it’s one thing to know the things that bring you joy. It’s another thing to let yourself experience joy. Because of the trauma that I have walked through, I still have difficulty with allowing myself to enjoy my life. You know, waiting for the other shoe to drop thing? It’s so much easier to just sabotage joy so that you don’t have to deal with the disappointment. I know so many of you can relate to that feeling.
So I have been going there. To the place where I actually let myself experience joy. Changing a lot of those thought patterns is very hard. But gosh darn it, I deserve joy. I am amazing.
I have sort of retreated in a way. I am looking less and less at what other people are doing. You know how easy it is to get into that comparison thought process, especially when your community is a group of very talented artists. I am so grateful for such a large tribe of like minded artists. But sometimes you have to shut yourself off from all of that input on social media. I am going at my own pace. And even though it feels slow at times, I am going to follow what feels authentic to me. I am going to follow that which brings me joy.
One of my biggest joys is painting abstract paintings. They feel completely impractical as opposed to some of my other art. But I think that is exactly why I enjoy them so much. It’s about the process and expressing a part of my heart that can only be expressed with a mess of paint and texture and color.
It’s also one of my secret dreams to sell huge abstracts for thousands of dollars. Why not? So on a whim I decided to create some abstracts for Saatchi Art Online Gallery. I honestly don’t know if it will go anywhere, but it’s a step in the right direction. I feel a little shy sharing my account because the practical critic in me says, I will never sell anything. But I will never know if I don’t try…
So maybe, if you are on Pinterest you would help me out by pinning my paintings from my new Saatchi account? I would be so grateful. Check out my paintings here.