More Days Like This…
Today I made soup, and stirred it with a real wooden spoon. Today I froze my fingers off walking in the freezing cold. I snuggled a baby who won’t be a baby much longer. Today I wondered at the snow and shared a big cozy blanket with two quickly growing girls. I baked cookies and I painted. Today I chose to see beauty in the mirror instead of the 30 extra pounds. Today I let myself be loved. Today I lived and I am full.
I wrote this a few weeks ago…
I want more of these kind of days. But today started in a blur. Before coffee I broke a half gallon glass milk jug. It wasn’t even opened yet so I am sure you can imagine the mess that ensued. And that was just before coffee. You better believe that I scraped some of that cream top still left on the broken jar into my cup of coffee. Shhhh!!! Don’t tell. It was a frantic blur of trying to get everyone clothed and fed and all bundled to get off to school. Some days I think it’s just a miracle that I even get the girls off to school. (And it took me all morning to clean up the shards of glass and sticky milk).
The truth is that with three small girls, the milk spillage is a better snapshot of what my days usually look like. Messy blurs with rushing and spinning and scraping by. The truth is that I sometimes struggle with being kind to myself. I battle self doubt and perfectionism. The truth is that I don’t feel beautiful and think about all the weight I need to lose. The truth is that I feel not enough on most days. I fight fear and unbelief.
But especially in this season… I want more days where I slow down. I want more days of staying present. I want to really open my eyes and see the beauty all around me. I want to let myself be loved. I want to let go of what I think things are supposed to look like. I want to breathe it all in. Even the messy sticky milk. Because one day it will pass… and I will wish I had cherished these days more. Life is beauty fleeting. AND it is messy. But I am tired of letting shame keep me from finding beauty.
And I know that sometimes beauty stings. When you are broken and you can’t find your own beauty. So this year, my wish for you… that you would find your own messy beauty. That you would let go of the shame and just let yourself be you. Because you are beautiful. That beauty would find it’s way to your heart and bring healing. Because it will if you let it.
And know… you are not alone.