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hormones, tears and chocolate

November 2, 2012
self portrait pregnancy

belly

pregnancy hormones. i’ve had my share this week…

i feel raw. fragile. broken open.

i know sometimes the best way to deal with these things is with a good cry… maybe even sitting on the kitchen floor… i might have done that this week.

the hormones have really been rather mild the whole pregnancy. other than a rocky start with spotting and all, i have really been happy.

so i guess it was only a matter of time. before the waves hit me.

i remember my first pregnancy. putting the cat to sleep. and the intensity of emotion that rushed through me. it was a difficult event made more intense with hormones.

my week started out in the emergency room on monday morning. my youngest was not feeling well and even though it was nothing serious, it pierced me. i hated watching her in pain. gut wrenching. heart wrenching…

i know it didn’t help that i wasn’t sleeping much either. makes everything seem so much more severe.

and yesterday… yesterday was big. you see, i suspect that my youngest has this. actually, i know she does. call it mother’s intuition. so yesterday, we had her evaluated by an occupational therapist. and although we are taking a step in the right direction to getting her help, my heart still hurts for her. my heart hurts when she gets frustrated by drawing a line on a piece of paper. my heart hurts when her little fingers won’t do what her brain tells her to do. by the end of the hour, her brain was so fried she just wanted to leave.

i felt so bad for her. i just wanted to hold her and make it all ok. those darn pregnancy hormones just make it more difficult to deal with it all.

i think i am feeling a little bit better today. i am practicing gentleness on myself. and eating plenty of chocolate.

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. ann dickey permalink
    November 6, 2012 6:55 pm

    i am sorry you are having a tough time with hormones, sleep loss, and watching your daughter struggle. an ONE of those things is very hard~ put them all together and kitchen floor melt down here we come! you are doing all you can~ gentleness IS needed.
    and somehow i know that having a mom like YOU ~who has faced her own battles and over come~ will be invaluable for ALL your girls… no matter what their struggles. dont forget that wendy… not every child has that on their side. btw~ milk chocolate or dark?

    • November 6, 2012 7:16 pm

      thank you ann! you put tears in my eyes friend. doing a lot better this week. can’t wait to see you soon!!! and definitely, dark.

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