on pregnancy, slowing down and dreaming big
i have been slowing down a lot lately. pregnancy seems to do that to you, force you to slow down. at first it was hard to accept. why do we always feel like if we aren’t going a million miles an hour getting stuff done that somehow we are not good enough?
i am learning how to lean into these opportunities. to look at them as moments of growth… as chances to become more me. i am learning to embrace these moments.
and i feel like something magical is happening in my heart. i feel more settled than i have in a very long time. i feel peace even though i am not running an art marathon. and something bizarre has been happening. i can feel a separation between my worth and what i do. i am not what i do.
and i am learning to actually really enjoy my life right now. doing things that bring me life and spending time with people who bring me life. cutting out the relationships that are full of drama. i deserve friendships that are real and vulnerable and inspiring. so those are the relationships that i am going to pursue. this feels soooo good i can’t hardly stand it.
i have been dreaming a lot too…. about what i want my life to look like after this baby comes along. and i am realizing that i really want my own space away from the home, a studio that i can call my very own. i know exactly the part of town i would like it to be. i even started looking at spaces and guess what? it’s really not so far fetched. rent in this part of town is actually quite reasonable.
i could have my very own studio to hold my workshops and retreats for women. i can see myself dropping the girls off at school and taking the baby to the studio and painting and working. next year both of the girls will be in school all day. i think getting out of the house would really be huge for me without all of the distractions of home. because no matter how much you ignore the pile of laundry, it’s always there in the back of your mind.