project enjoy life day # 1
project enjoy life
project enjoy life is a lot harder than it would seem. turns out i have a few self hatred patterns that need to be broken. and yesterday was an emotional shut down day. just wanted to let you know that i have them, for any of your struggling with those type of things too. i want you to know that you are not the only one. this is quite possibly the hardest thing i have ever done. because in order to enjoy life, you have to believe that you deserve it. still working through that one. i have decided to start journaling about these deep rooted issues because i want to get to the heart of what is really going on and why it’s so hard for me to enjoy life. doing a little bit of art journaling and a lot of regular art journaling. anyways, i am giving myself a ton of grace. because it takes a while to break these types of patterns.
what is project enjoy life? read about the inspiration post here. it’s all about really taking the time to savor and enjoy life. it’s about taking in the beauty in all of the little moments. it’s my story of appreciating life through the lens of gratitude and celebration. it’s what fills my heart with joy. it’s what captures my attention. it’s a snapshot of those small moments i take to breathe and let the messy and the beauty in.
happy
printed out words for art journaling. love all of the meaningful phrases over my beautiful watercolor art set. found this beauty in the midst of finding my happy place art journaling.
painting
taking a moment to enjoy painting. look at all of the beautiful color on my painting palette. paintbrush full of all sort of yummy color. i love the brayer in the background and to see all of the layers of paint and texture on it.
drawing floor plans
enjoying time with my youngest. i remember when i was younger, i would go to the office with my dad who is an electrical engineer. i remember him laying out his huge papers of old building floor plans. he would give me pencils, pens and highlighters to color while he would work. it was seriously the most fun ever!!! recently my father gave me a whole bunch of old blueprints to use in my art. i let my daughter draw all over them and it just felt like pure joy. life coming full circle!!!
wedding rings = $11.00
enjoying my heritage. this is a copy of the receipt my grandma had saved in an old box of letters and keepsakes. look closely. the receipt says wedding rings… $11.00, with tax… $ 13.42. can you even imagine? the part torn off says the date is from 1944. just appreciating my heritage of godly marriage. my grandma always wore a wedding ring even 20 years after her husband died. when she lost the diamond in her ring, i remember her going out and buying a fake diamond ring. it was so cute!!! and a beautiful picture of love for me today. the funny thing is that she probably spent more on the fake ring than what she spent on the original real one. my grandma was all about the bargain.
a girl and her brush 
I loved your post today, I am more weepy and raw than usual today as it is my Mom’s Birthday and she’s been gone now for 9 years (feels like last week). She was my cheerleader, my best friend and I miss her. Funny when you have no kids you are always her kid, never a grown up really or that’s how it feels 😉 I had an “aha” moment while reading your last couple of posts about happy and fear. First it struck me that you’ve already lived through the worst, the what if, and are creating the most beautiful art with the whole world. Then it hit me from the words you used that I have for YEARS felt like I’m just trying to GET THROUGH LIFE….huh? get through? I don’t want to be through/done and why am I finding it a struggle like swimming upstream in mud and wanting to hurry up and just make it through?? By your choice of words and open expression you helped me “see” what I’m doing. I realize that’s how I do everything – in a hurry (driving, arting, eating & reading) even when there is no reason for it except I’m trying to dodge whatever is coming and get THROUGH the day – whew, made it!! I really want to feel joy again, to enjoy the gift of each day knowing I’m strong enough whatever comes 😉 thank you so much !!
thank you so very much for sharing this with me. it really means so much. i think it’s just our response to trauma. but yeah, why are we waiting to just get through life? are we in a hurry to die? i think sometimes we live in depression for so long that we forget what it is to really live!!! thanks for being vulnerable.
Wendy~
i think this is a worthwhile project.
i cheer you on and look forward to your findings.
my two words for this year are: just JOY
because i want to reclaim what diminished
because i want to reteach my heart to expect it
because i want to frolic in the space when i come upon it
very good words!!! thank you for sharing deborah.
…”because in order to enjoy life, you have to believe that you deserve it” – I have fought with this for so long on and off in my life. I have to say, however “off” it may seem to say this, I’m glad I’m not alone! I am facing new challenges myself these days and am trying to learn to move forward with something resembling grace and power… haahaa Okay, maybe that is asking to much of myself, but I do know the battle. As I stated before, 5 years ago I started over. The first thing I did the morning after my surgery was open up a coloring book and colored a picture in it. I still remember the doctor looking at me a bit weird but ya know what, that was the beginning of my new life. Little did I know then it would become so filled with art and paint and journaling and tons of wonderful people I meet on the way! I have gotten mad in the past, still do some days, yelling screaming and beating my way thru a day with words like “Why me?” But when I step back, I have to be grateful, because without that experience, I wouldn’t BE me! 😀 Life after brain surgery, a journey I hope to continue for many years to come with paint and paste and creativity and I hope to do so amoung others like you because together we can takeover the world. muhahaha (okay that was going a bit far… sorry… got lost in the moment. *giggle*) Have a great day!
isn’t it amazing how much it helps to know that we are not alone? so glad to have found you pamela! thank you for sharing.
What a beautiful look inside your journey. Just to bring a struggle out into the light reduces its hold and clears the path for a new pattern. I love your family stories! What a great Dad. Have you read Ann Voskamp’s book One Thousand Gifts? I have found it to be very encouraging.
Beautiful! Love the wedding ring receipt!!!