making room for vulerability
yesterday was kind of a big deal for me. it was an invitation to be vulnerable for myself and 11 other women. it was intimate and messy and real. we all spoke from our hearts. we exposed the shame in our lives for what it really was and decided that it was time to change our stories. the lies that once defined us holds no power anymore. it was beautiful and true and lovely.
you would never think that strangers could feel so connected within the first hour of our day. but we did. each one was meant to be there. and we all embraced our own shortcomings.
a few a lot of moments leading up to this day that i felt major panic attacks coming over me. what if i am a disappointment? what if this day is not all that they expect it to be? what if i fall short? what if i can’t find my voice? what if? my own shame attempted to rule my heart.
but the truth is that i don’t have it all together. my former left brained self was laughing at me. who do you think you are? not to have every step run smoothly… you didn’t even follow the plan. you forgot important things you were going to say and you stumbled through your words a few times. your materials got lost and your thoughts were jumbled.
i don’t have it all together and i was able to expose this lie in front of all these women. and it’s ok that i don’t have it all together. because my guess is that you don’t either. and we need each other to not have it all together. because as women we often fall short of our own expectations and the expectations of others. we think we have to be the perfect mom and the perfect wife and the perfect housekeeper and business woman and all the while look amazing doing it.
we gave each other permission to grieve. because as a culture we often put a timeline on grief. we don’t sit with each other and just let it be ok to not be ok.
we allowed each other to be stuck. and we admitted it to ourselves.
we embraced the process. we let go of the end product. i think i did that more than anyone.
i wish you could have been there my dear friends!!! hopefully one day…
i was sad a little bit that i didn’t have as many before pictures of the day. i wish i had taken more of the “before shots” like the beautiful journals i had wrapped with ribbon ever so carefully. instead i got lots of pictures of the mess. and as i was thinking about the theme of the day, i realized it was just appropriate. who cares about all of the perfect moments? it was the mess that was the beautiful part. so very appropriate.
i am so very grateful for the women who chose to invest a piece of their heart into this day. and i am even still pinching myself that all of these beautiful women wanted to come spend the day doing art with me. but i know that i would not be here, doing this if i hadn’t been through the broken places.
i feel strangely defined by this moment in my life. not by the amazing thing that i accomplished. but by being ok with my shortcomings and making a choice to be vulnerable with these women. and then watching as we all opened ourselves up to being vulnerable with one another. it was a beautiful thing to witness!!!