the big green monster
important note: for the entirety of this post i will be referring to joe schmoe. joe schmoe is the person you envy. got it? good.
let’s face it. we all have moments and feelings of envy at some point in our lives. we see something that joe schmoe has and we want it for ourselves. joe succeeds at basketball and we LOVE basketball, so there is that little twinge in our heart. the twinge is almost like a longing… because most of the time, it comes from a place of true desire and passion deep down in our hearts. passion and desire are not bad.
it’s not that first thought that really matters, it’s what you choose to do with it that can either propel you forward or destroy your life. it’s your choice. so let me share with you some tips i have gleaned to help you when that big green monster envy threatens to set up camp in your heart. these are tools that i wish someone had told me, and if used correctly can help you accomplish what you truly desire.
so what do you really want out of life? have you ever taken the time to just sit down and answer that question? just by answering that one question you can usually kick that big green monster right out onto the street. i know that when i am really clear on what i want to accomplish in my life and i see joe schmoe who is experiencing success in what i have written down as one of my goals, it’s so much easier to recognize and combat. so that i can say, oh yeah, i really want to do that too!!! i can then honor and recognize that there is a desire in my heart.
it’s a little like saying, hi desire that hasn’t happened yet, i can see you. you are valid. you are real. and you mean something to me.
have you asked? and i am not meaning to be all philosophical or even “ask the universe” on you. i just mean, have you asked yourself if it is something you can have. example… this might sound like a silly thing, but i used to have two friends that would hang out together all of the time. i would get really jealous of them spending time together, but if i had stopped and just asked my friends if i could hang out with them, they would have said yes. so you never know until you ask.
who is telling you that you can’t have it? i used to tell myself a very powerful lie all of the time. i can’t have it. wow, will that ever trip you up!!! so once i told myself, i can’t have that… i mean, i would sabotage everything just to make that stupid lie true. it was like i enjoyed punishing myself. self pity, here i come. here is how ridiculous this lie is… let’s say that i want a bowl of ice cream. i tell myself i really want some ice cream, but i can’t have any. so i get out a bowl and a spoon and just wait there. then every time someone gives me ice cream, i rinse it down the sink… saying, i can’t have that. how pathetic would that be?
there is more than enough to go around. often times it all comes down to the age old battle between abundance and scarcity. if you believe that there isn’t enough to go around, and you are watching joe schmoe succeed, then guess what? you will most likely be devastated and your fears will grow legs and walk off with your destiny people.
there is room for all of us. there is enough to go around. and you can have abundance.
here goes the band-aid friends, i promise i will rip it off fast. is it easier for you to fail? ouch! that one kind of hurt didn’t it? don’t we all have these moments? a lot of hard work goes into making a dream happen. and sometimes it is easier to fail because it takes the risk out of the equation doesn’t it? we don’t want our little vulnerable hearts to get squashed into a million little pieces. so we sabotage, or better yet just sit around and don’t even try. and then, as if that is not enough, we watch all the amazing things that joe schmoe is doing just to torture ourselves and go back to the “you can’t have it” lie.
be your own kind of awesome! sometimes we have awesome envy don’t we? we see just how awesome joe schmoe is and we want to grow up and be just like joe. so we imitate all that joe does in order to look just as awesome as joe is. we wear the same clothes as joe. we say the same things as joe. we walk the same way as joe. only we don’t look so awesome do we? we only look like we are copying joe schmoe who is awesome. and even if no one ever knows, we know deep down inside that we are just trying to be joe schmoe awesome. and that doesn’t feel so great does it? who told you that you weren’t awesome anyways?
trust the gifts you have been given! we all have gifts. each and every one of us. joe schmoe might have way more gifts than you right? sometimes that doesn’t feel fair. but guess what? you are accountable for the gifts you were given, not joe schmoe’s. and sometimes we have no idea what our gifts are, so we have to do a little digging to find them. and that’s ok. but i promise promise promise, you have gifts too. and they aren’t going to look like joe schmoe’s gifts. and you gotta stop wanting the gifts that joe schmoe has or it will destroy you.
so let’s say that i want to give both my daughters a gift. and i think about it really hard… i think about their personalities and who they are and what they like to do and what they are good at. and i spend hours and hours and hours researching trying to find the exact perfect gift for both of them. and each gift is perfected and intentioned only for each daughter because they are so different. they wouldn’t even like the same gift. so i wrap up both of their gifts with extreme care and give them their gifts at the same time. and they open their gifts. and then one of them looks at the other daughter’s gift and just drops the gift i gave her and said she didn’t want that, she wanted the one her sister had. now how silly would that be? but that is exactly what we do when we want joe schmoe’s gift. yuck.
walk your own path. you and i might have the same destination. let’s say we are both going on an amazing vacation to… i don’t know, hawaii. but i live in colorado and you live in australia. will we both get there the same way? no. is that ok? it better be. then why do we think our path has to look like joe schmoe’s?
find your calling. i believe with my whole heart that we all have a calling in life. it’s what we were meant or destined to do with our life. our callings might change throughout our lives, and sometimes it might be similar to joe schmoe’s calling. and that’s ok. but when you are clear on what you are called to do with your life, you won’t be nearly as distracted with joe schmoe’s calling. make sense?
just. stop. looking. at some point, you may have tried all of these options above… i highly it doubt it, but hey… let’s just go with that. if you have tried everything to battle these thoughts of envy, there is only one last thing to do. just stop looking at what joe schmoe is doing and live your own life. put on blinders if you have to. and just stop looking…
ok people. i just gave you an arsenal of weapons against envy. like everyone, i struggle with envy from time to time. please hear me when i say that this post is not intentioned to be mean or hard. we all have these thoughts and i sincerely hope that you will find some answers here because i learned them the hard way. with much love to all of you, you are ALL amazing!!!
melody… thanks for letting me be me.