yesterday i was a big ball of panic mess. there were voices and noises and distractions and things that were pulling my heart farther and farther away from peace. you know the kind of day where it almost seems laughable because it just isn’t humanly possible for all of those lies to bombard your little brain. it wasn’t really that anything bad happened. but it was the kind of day where you feel like the world is just against you and doubts keep chipping away at you.
this always happens to me right before i am about to have some amazing breakthrough or some beautifully amazing thing happen in my life. please tell me that i am not the only one.
and when i decided to write all of these swirling thoughts out last night while sleep was avoiding me, i noticed a common theme. uncertainty and trust. all of these thoughts and concerns revolved around the one same issue. and each and every one of them made me feel a sense of panic or uncertainty. and when that happens, i know one thing for sure. god is trying to get my attention and there is a lesson to be learned from all of this.
so i stopped and just listened. i listened deep. what exactly am i supposed to learn from all of this?
trust. just trust. oh and some more trust. oh and will you trust me again? even if no one else believes you? will you stand on the promises i have given you? or will you be swayed with the wind and be blown away with all of your doubts?
you see i was desperately waiting yesterday for someone to say, yes you are on the right track. i was waiting for someone else to tell me that, yes, i am doing what i am supposed to be doing. and that is a dangerous place to be in. because it shouldn’t dependent on other people. and when you are building things as deep and as fragile as your dreams, you need to know, that you know, that you know, that you know that you are doing what you are called to do. period.
god will never let someone else tell you what you need to know for yourself. and so he didn’t. he just let me trust.
so today i will be practicing trust. and when the doubts try to make their way in, i will say no, i am sorry but this is the truth. this is what i am supposed to be doing. this is where i am going. because i have listened to truth. and i will stand on the truth. i will trust the truth.