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breaking through fears

April 4, 2012

and she did it anyway

i was having a moment yesterday. the kind where you want to hyperventilate into a paper bag. breathe in… breathe out. fear was getting the best of me and the result was that i felt frozen. no movement. i couldn’t think clearly. i couldn’t do art. since when does that happen?

my thoughts went a little like this…

who do you think you are stepping out in these big crazy ways? nothing is going to come of it. no one is going to come to your events. you don’t have enough followers to make it happen. you don’t have a large enough email list. everything is going to fall to pieces. what’s so great about your message? no one wants to listen to you. again, who do you think you are?

now that i speak these things out, they do sound just a little bit irrational. but i wanted to share these things with you because we all have these paralyzing thoughts. the kinds that make you feel stuck. the kinds that keep you from going forward. the what’s the use ideology. and i have to say that normally i would have just stopped right there. i would have shut down and believed the lies. and even though i would still push to move forward in my business, deep down i would be waiting. waiting for everything to fail.

it’s a problem that i have.

personal sabotage.

why? because it’s easier to sabotage yourself before you actually fail isn’t it? you abort your dreams before they even have time to take shape. it’s easier that way because you just don’t have to do the hard work of pushing through your fear.

journal challenge

embrace vulnerability

you see, the way i chose to handle it this time was to seek wise counsel. from someone who knows me really well from someone who believes in me and my dreams. from someone who is invested in my dreams. yes you need a team of people around you like this when you want to accomplish your big dreams. because there will be moments of self doubt where you question everything. and you need someone to pull you back into reality and combat the fear with truth.

confiding in this person all of my doubts and fears helped me see them exactly for what they were. doubts and fears. NOT the truth.

and this woman helped me to remember the truth. that i am right where i am supposed to be. doing what i am supposed to be doing. because she believes in ME and my mission.

the truth is that i have a story to tell. the truth is that there are women out there who need to hear it. and guess what? so do you! you have a story to tell that no else can tell. and there are people desperate to hear your story. there are other people out there who need to know that they are not alone.

i was gardening this last weekend. yes, i am quite positive that this will not be the last garden analogy i will share with you. after i had broken up my fallow ground, i started planting seeds. and i was planting them, i was thinking that this is so much like my life right now. i have sown seeds all over the place in my life. and it’s kind of  a hard place to be in, because i still can’t see all of the growth that is going on just beneath the surface. i can’t see any new growth happening.

and i have to trust. trust that what i have planted will sprout soon and grow into something beautiful and life giving. but for that short germination period, you have to trust. and hope and pray that the weather will not get to it or the birds. that the seeds you have planted will come to fruition.

and it’s hard because the germination time is so fragile and vulnerable. and you can’t see all of the growth happening under the surface.

i am also encouraged to know that we all face fear. it’s just what we decide to do with it that counts. we have the choice to let it paralyze us and let it abort the dreams we have inside of us. or we can make a choice to push past it. i don’t care what you say fear, i am doing this anyways. i am going forward and not going to look back.

it’s like my friend melody ross says, but she did it anyway.

so that is what i decided to do. put on my brave girl boots and keep going. and i am pretty sure that i had to go through this yesterday. to give me more resolve and to keep fighting for all the women i am supposed to touch. and also to remind some of you, who are feeling paralyzed by fear. to let you know that you are not alone. to help you speak out your fears to people who believe in you. and to help you push through your fears too. come on… we will do it together.

19 Comments leave one →
  1. Laura permalink
    April 4, 2012 9:36 am

    As I read your email today I was thinking that you should put your art into a book form along with your journal entries. PhotoBook is just one of many sites where you upload your photos of your art to book format and then add script on the facing page. On some sites, like Blurb I think, they keep your book on file for sale and you could send others to the site (I believe you also get to list the price) via your email list etc. and they can purchase from them and you would benefit from the price you set. I have only made books for gifts, so I don’t know the particulars of how that would work. Then you could also order a sample book and take it to bookstores etc. and see if they would be interested in your story. Lots of hurting people out there who would benefit from your story!

    • April 5, 2012 9:39 am

      thanks laura! i have thought about it. just trying to figure out the right way to do it. but i will check out the sites you suggested.

  2. April 4, 2012 9:39 am

    Inspiring me every day…truly. Love your art and your spirit. Thanks for sharing.

  3. April 4, 2012 9:44 am

    So grateful for your story. It is definitely helping me. I shared this quote on chatting at the sky this morning and thought I’d share here as well…”I believe our cages (usually created from our painful past) have become comfortable and easy. We’ve learned to live in them, to have them be our normal. Flying and soaring are too scary, too new, too different. We’d rather live trapped because it’s become our strange comfort zone.” Mary DeMuth…I remember when life felt like that but now God is helping me to fly and I feel closer to soaring. You are soaring! I bet way more people read your blog and are inspired by you than you can even fathom.

  4. April 4, 2012 10:51 am

    I have been an onlooker to your site for a few months, enjoying your art, but not commenting on anything. Until today. Your reading brought tears to my eyes. Because here you are building your business and fight the doubt demons all along the way. Your art does have a story to tell, and you are so worth it, and its so worth telling, teaching and sharing. When it comes from a place a love, I think that all the pieces just begin to come together naturally. And its the painful places, the ones where doubt seeps in for a little bit of time, that we are most inspired and inspiring. Take a look at the work you have done. Its simply amazing and each one gets stronger, more vibrant, more full of your story.

    You are on an awesome journey. Have a blast! Thank you for letting us in on the ride!

    • April 5, 2012 9:42 am

      thank you taryn!!! i am so blessed by your words. they mean so much. so glad you decided to comment!

  5. imgirl permalink
    April 4, 2012 12:15 pm

    I heard you. You are right. Everyone has a story to tell.
    Not everyone can tell their story. Being human is hard.
    It takes courage to gather all the information to tell a story and often requires re-living pain and suffering, again…and again to tell a story.
    It also takes courage, a great deal of courage. Sometimes it is easier to hear
    someone else’s story. Someone like you. By telling your story you are empowering others to know that whatever their story is, it is important. We all have a purpose and we all want to know our purpose but sometimes we may never know at what point and time our story has helped or changed someone’s life. Maybe it even helped them to get enough courage to tell their story.
    If we never know the outcome or the ending of the story, you know the beginning and you can tell it in hopes that it will help someone else. Somewhere you are someone’s hero. Along the way, your story becomes clear to you.

    I love your art, (as you know)
    I wish you continued courage
    I send you wishes of hope & trust
    and the strength to fly without wings….~*~*~*


    • April 5, 2012 9:44 am

      brene brown says that courage is the ability to tell your story with your whole heart… so yes, telling your story is very difficult and it takes a lot of courage. but at every step of telling more and more of your story, you find more healing. thanks for sharing kim!

  6. April 4, 2012 1:30 pm

    2 thumbs up for: “but she just kept going”!

  7. ann dickey permalink
    April 4, 2012 1:43 pm

    i am sharing one of my favorite quotes: “learn to doubt your doubts”

  8. April 5, 2012 3:23 am

    Hi Wendy, I too have a few people with whom I can share and look to for support at these times. So important. I am sharing more honestly on my blog too. I’m 58 now. When I was recovering from a chronic illness and was helping with my mother’s care, it took me 5 years to complete a 20 page poetry book. Charles Waugaman, who is in Heaven now, helped me too. He was the editor of Time Of Singing when I first sent my poetry out for review. Lora Zill has now edited it for years and helped me with other projects.

    Love, Ellen

    • April 5, 2012 9:46 am

      thanks for sharing ellen!!! blessings to you. your story matters and there are so many people who NEED your story and you tell it in such a beautiful way. 🙂

  9. Estella Magnuson permalink
    April 5, 2012 7:54 am

    Keep telling your story because it is inspiring and you are awesome!


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