i just had to write about this after reading this post by my dear friend melody. ignoring your dreams makes you miserable… (so let’s stop it already). everything in this post is so so true. and it got me thinking about where i am on my creative journey.
with both of my pregnancies i was on bedrest for the last month. it was miserable. i hated it. it was nice to be able to rest, but after a while you start to go stir crazy. you feel so helpless. and if you are nesting while being on bedrest… torturous.
you feel like you can’t do a darn thing. and you can’t. except for the most important thing. carry a baby. in fact, there are many moments during pregnancy where all you can do is be pregnant. it consumes everything. and it’s ALL you can do. and that is ok!!!
when you create something… it’s just like being pregnant, minus the morning sickness. you carry this idea inside of you until it’s completely formed and then you birth it into the world.
and there are moments during this creative pregnancy where you feel like you just can’t express what you are going through with others. it’s just too sacred and personal and deep. and no one would understand even if you tried.
and there are many many moments where you feel like all you can do is create this beautiful thing inside of you. like you can’t even function as a normal person. it’s absolutely exhausting!!! the dishes stay in the sink and the laundry piles into a mountain. and your husband wonders what you do all day long… and all you can think is, this creating sure is a lot of work.
and in a sense… you are on creative bedrest. it drives you crazy because you feel like you are not getting anything done. but you are… you are doing the most important thing. the thing that you can’t help but do and create.
and there are seasons like this… where it isn’t time for your creation to be born yet. and you just wait. and you wonder how long it will take.
well friends… this is exactly where i am right now. on creative bedrest. there is something beautiful growing inside of me. something deep and sacred. and i have many days, like yesterday, where i can start to go a little crazy. because all of this creating is exhausting. and i might just need to stop and garden all day long. because i just can’t look at anything anymore. where all i can do is carry this thing that it inside of me… waiting to come out.
until the perfect time.
today… i give you permission to be on creative bedrest if you need to be. it’s ok. you are doing something so very very important my dear friend. what you have inside of you does matter. your creation does matter. and on those days where all you can do is create… it’s really truly ok!