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fallow ground

March 29, 2012


it’s spring time. time to prepare the garden. it’s only my second year of gardening and i feel a little out of sorts. i don’t have an ounce of a green thumb. but i am trying. the thought of eating out of my garden all summer long makes me extremely happy.

yesterday i was having an off day. yes i still have them. you know the kind where you want to stay in your pajamas all day long and just escape. yes i still have those every so often. i wasn’t feeling the best so i just went with it. all this growing and stepping out in big ways really freaks me out sometimes. i mean, am i really doing this? can i just go back to where it was safe and easy? no fear of failure… or worse, no fear of success.

so sitting out on the deck, in my pajamas mind you, i notice the shape of my disheveled garden. i didn’t clean it from last year which i hear is a big no no. so there are old dried up plants and grass and weeds growing everywhere. i know that i need to get my cool weather seeds in the ground soon especially with all of this warm weather happening.

so if i am not getting anything done, i might as well do some gardening. i don’t want to be completely unproductive. so i gather all of my cool gardening tools my husband bought for me last year. and i think, this won’t be so hard. just got to get rid of all the dead stuff so i can start preparing the soil.

well all you experienced gardeners know that it’s just not that easy. i start removing all the old growth and clinking my shovel into the ground.

but the ground is hard as a rock. there is no way that i am strong enough to break through this soil. i am not superwoman! it’s impossible. then it occurs to me that the ground needs to be softened. i know obvious right? and what softens the ground? water.

so i get my hose out and patiently water the ground. we haven’t had any moisture in a long time… colorado is under high fire danger right now. so i finally finish watering the ground for what seemed like forever, and go back with my shovel.

and guess what? the ground is still hard. sure it’s a little bit easier on the surface. but underneath, the ground is still dry as ever. and i think, how much water do i need? so i water some more and come back. and still yet again the ground is still dry… and i repeat this process several times until i get to the place where i can finally start breaking up my fallow ground. and even with all of the softening, it’s still a lot of muscle work!!!

and i worked for several hours and it still isn’t finished. it will need a lot more water (softening) and a lot more work to just get the soil ready to receive the seed. and after that, there will be a ton of watering and weeding… oh, the weeding, well that is an entirely other post altogether for a different day.

so if you know me, you know that i am obviously going somewhere with this. our hearts can so often become hard fallow ground after a long season of winter can’t it? there are dead things hanging around and we are hard as a rock inside. there is no way we are ready for a season of spring. our hearts are just not ready to receive the seeds of new growth.

we are dry and crusty. without hope or faith. we have forgotten what it is like to be loose and pliable and rich. and that is ok. because we all go through seasons of winter. but it’s time for spring and our hearts are not ready yet.

we need the softening of hope and faith and love to come and saturate our lives. and we need it to go deep, not just on the surface. and just when you think you have enough, there is another layer of ground that hasn’t even been touched yet.

and then comes the hard work of digging. it’s not so pretty. and there is no way around the hard work that it’s going to take to get your heart ready for new life. there might be tears and sweat and wanting to quit because it’s just not pretty. but i promise friend, that it’s oh so good.

because guess what? spring is here. new growth is here. it’s time for the softening. and it’s time to break up your fallow ground and start planting seeds of life again.

4 Comments leave one →
  1. March 29, 2012 9:48 am

    Hi Wendy,
    I can so relate to this and it reminds me of a book I would read to my daughter The Trellis and The Seed by Jan Karon. To be honest, I still read it to myself when I am feeling low. Also, I shared a very vulnerable post on my blog today that I think ties into the whole new growth thing. I love your blog and your transparency.

  2. Maureen Hayes permalink
    March 29, 2012 9:53 am

    Sometimes it is freaky how we are going through the same things at the same time. This whole post, how you are feeling, is so very identical to what I am going through right now. Thank you for your honesty, your strength and the hope you provide to me everyday!


  1. breaking through fears « a girl and her brush

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