a heart made light
first of all, let me just say a quick thank-you to the lovely stephey baker for putting together the courage to fly blog hop! you rock stephey!!! i am so honored to be one of the winged creatures lifting off to fly. and i hope that as you read my story, you will be encouraged to take flight yourself. to begin to believe in your dreams again. to let go of your fears. that when life gives you bumps, bruises, and a set of broken wings that you will somehow find the courage to hope again. that in fact, it is those adversities that can actually become the wind that allows you to soar higher than you ever thought possible.
hello friends. you might not know me. so i thought i should give you a little snippet about myself. six years ago my life was launched into disarray after being rear-ended. i found myself with a broken brain, a victim mentality, and a sick heart. i would cry at every missed appointment. i questioned my competency when making a simple phone call became tedious. i would often have no recollection of complete conversations. the sojourn back to normalcy felt snaillike at times, to say the least. then later, insult was added to injury when i lost the trial for the car accident against the insurance company.
a light heart. what do in the world do i know about light hearts? i am kind of the expert on heavy hearts. i remember the days of disillusionment and not being able to see past the grief. where your heart is so heavy with disappointment that you feel as if it could just fall like a heavy stone right out of your chest. so how did i get to the place where i felt like i could fly? let me tell you, it has been a very long journey and god is still nursing my broken wings back to health.
hope is sometimes a choice and the first step to a light heart. trust me. i have been to the place where life has beaten me down and i was afraid to hope again. i lost my ability to see past the heartache. and i was stuck to the ground because i had no hope. but there came a time when i slowly took hold of hope once more. it was a pure act of my will. you can choose to hope.
walking out of the courtroom that day, i felt as though i was going to suffocate. there was not enough air. i couldn’t breathe. i felt as if my life was over. when they read the verdict, it was a shot to the heart. i had just lived through the most traumatic week of my life only to hear that justice would not be manifested that day. it was like reliving all of the pain of my car accident over again only to be a victim once more. couldn’t they see the years that this accident had stolen from me? or were they blind? it was a slap to the face. i would not get validation from a jury or a judge. and it would be nearly a year before i could trust that god would give me justice one day. i didn’t understand that his justice would come in a different package. i lived in denial for a while, not willing to face my pain that was still so fresh. but there came a day when i made a simple choice. i chose hope.
but hope is not enough. you have to open your heart to dream. i know it can be scary. and quite honestly it is easier and safer to ignore your dreams. because dreams are dangerous and untamed. they don’t fit in your pretty little box with your practical little rule book. for in order to dream, you have to let yourself be vulnerable. you have to learn to trust god with your dreams.
dreams are the reason for flight. because without our dreams, we would be content to sit on the tree branch for the rest of our lives.
it all started the day my mom gave me a copy of kelly rae roberts book, taking flight and my life would never be the same. the book inspired me to say the least. i was excited to try mixed media techniques for the first time. i made a trip to hobby lobby for some matte medium and scrapbooking paper. i had somehow scrounged enough money to buy a few supplies. i went home and got out some old canvases. i had the habit of painting over old paintings because i couldn’t afford new canvases. i opened that jar of matte medium and began painting and making a mess. it was if i had never painted before. i loved the free flowing nature of this new found addiction. i loved going with the flow and not having a planned out piece. i loved peeling the glue off my fingers. and my heart became lighter with every brushstroke. i found out my entire purpose was to create. my god given mandate. and a strange thing began to happen. i started to dream again. maybe there is more for me. maybe there are so many amazing dreams for me to live. more paintings to paint. a passionate life to live. a story to tell. all because of a book. thank you kelly rae!
hopes and dreams are just the beginning on the sojourn to a light heart and taking flight. they are the sparks that start the fire. and yes they are both good. then life somehow gets in the way and something called reality comes crashing down. your daughter pukes all over you first thing in the morning. your submission to a design blog is rejected. you don’t have enough money to pay your bills. your husband works long hours and you only have one car. the stresses of every day life start to weigh down your heart. and the only way path to a light heart is gratitude.
gratitude allows us to realize the blessings that we have every day. to stop. to slow down. to count our blessings. to enjoy the small moments. and when we are thankful for the small moments, then we can have true joy. a light heart ready for flight. you see, i didn’t realize on that awful day at the courthouse that there were so many amazing blessings in my life. two gorgeous and healthy girls. an amazing marriage. a relationship with my creator. these are all things that so many people would covet from my life.
it was a moment i will never forget. and it crept up slowly on me. it tarried for six long years. in a spirit of gratitude, i was finally able to say it. thank-you jesus for my car accident. it sounded foreign coming out of my mouth. can i truly be grateful for such awful pain? shouldn’t i harden my heart and keep the pain hidden. no. because there is so much beauty that has come out of that seemingly meaningless incident. i learned to paint. paint with my whole heart. i found my creative set of wings. and i learned that sometimes adversity becomes the wind that helps you soar higher.
hope is the first step toward a light heart. dreams give you the desire to take flight. and gratitude is the secret to soaring with a light heart on winds of adversity.