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on pretending

March 14, 2011

mixed media painting

do you ever feel like you are just pretending? pretending to be an artist and have a creative business? sometimes i look at some of my role models who have “made it” and i feel this little twinge of intimidation. will i ever stand in that place? it is really easy to compare your path to others and feel so very small.

i recently became a published artist. and it felt huge! to see my name in a national magazine. wow! and yet at the same time, i still felt like a tiny little fish in a huge pond. don’t get me wrong, i am not trying to make light of being published. i just sometimes feel as if i am only pretending. silly i know.

but the truth is that we all have our own paths to forge. the path to my dreams will never look like kelly rae’s, donna downey’s or alisa burke’s. it isn’t supposed to. because i have my own dreams. i have a different story to tell. and i have a different way to get there. and when i remember those things, that little twinge of fear goes away.

and the reality is that we all start somewhere. i need to embrace this part of my journey. i need to be thankful for where i am right now in this very moment. because there are things that i need to learn right now. if i were to skip this part, i would be missing an important part of my journey. and i would probably fall flat on my face. i am not ready for my dreams just yet. there are things that need to built in me first.

you see, the journey is what prepares our hearts to hold our dreams. our hearts need to grow wider, and deeper and stronger to hold those huge big giant dreams. and the only way to do that, is to embrace the process.

so if i am just pretending, i might as well keep on doing it. pretending until i am not pretending anymore.

kelly rae roberts wrote a great post on pretending until we’re not pretending anymore. you can read it here.

14 Comments leave one →
  1. March 15, 2011 9:04 am

    Haha…love it Wendy! I don’t think I’ve met a creative soul YET who doesn’t struggle with this same feeling in different seasons. I loved hearing your thoughts on it. 🙂 Just this morning my mantra was “fake it ’til you make it…fake it ’til you make it…”

  2. March 15, 2011 9:37 am

    I feel this way sometimes, and I think it has to do with finding my own authentic journey. It feels like I’m pretending when I try to do exactly what someone else does. It feels real when I eliminate the extra stuff and just be me. I don’t have all of the answers, and I’m blazing my own trail so there isn’t a road map for me to follow. It’s scary and uncomfortable but liberating, too.

    • March 15, 2011 11:23 am

      it is so true. when we try to follow the same path as someone else, we always will feel that way.

  3. March 15, 2011 11:29 am

    I know exactly what you mean. I just spend a whole weekend flipflopping between pretending and feeling like part of the group. I couldn’t decide which was the more “honest” feeling, and then I decided that they both were!

  4. March 15, 2011 1:39 pm

    This is well said. I especially like the thought that we all have to start somewhere. I have had people come to me and bemoan the fact that they are not at the same point in their artistic journey that I am on. As if they won’t get to where I am given time and patience and practice. The fact is that I have been doing this for some time. I have found my passion. I am carving out my niche. And I was at that point when I was first published those many years ago. (It feels just as thrilling with each new time you see your name in print! I still get giddy and accost total strangers in the grocery store to come and see my name!) If you are doing what you are meant to be doing it will flow, you will have an easier time of it, and you will see that you are truly meant to be an artist. I used to say that I was not an artist, just someone that saw things artistically. It took being published, and thus, being recognized by peers, that I could claim the title. Now I confidently say that I am an artist. I am proud of that fact. I hope that you will continue to document your unique journey. Thank you for the inspiration today!
    Enjoy the day!

    • March 16, 2011 12:16 pm

      thanks erin for your response! you had me laughing about approaching complete strangers in the store. that was so me when i bought my first magazine at michael’s. i was totally pointing my article out to the sales clerk with giddy excitement. lol!

  5. March 15, 2011 4:08 pm

    Great post! I completely agree, and understand how you feel. We all just have to keep pushing, keep creating because we love to, and keep sharing.
    Much Love!
    Paula aka JournalArtista

  6. March 15, 2011 4:19 pm

    Very thoughtful post. I don’t know anyone who feels total confidence all the time. There’s always something new to learn, some new step to take. It’s hard not to compare yourself to others, but realize that while you are looking up to someone else as a model or inspiration, someone is likely looking up to you!

    • March 16, 2011 12:18 pm

      that is an awesome thought michelle! someone is most likely looking up to where i am. thanks for stopping by!

  7. March 18, 2011 7:27 am

    I just discovered your blog via a tweet from Kind Over Matter.

    You have just so completely and beautifully summed up where I am at in the journey as well. Thank you for showing me that where I am at in my journey isn’t dependent on whether I’m good or enough or stand a chance. It’s simply where I’m at. It’s so easy to forget that everyone who we striving creatives see as having “made it,” have been in this place before, as well.

    So happy to have found your blog! Happy painting!

  8. March 19, 2011 5:52 pm

    First off, I really *love* the “dream” up above…it’s lovely…

    Mmmm…we all do start somewhere…and it’s so good to remember that. Even who we might think is the greatest (artist, athlete, writer, etc) – they all began somewhere. And the time, for each of us, is when we’re ready for it (whatever that is).

    It also reminds me of a book I’ve just finished reading – “Manifesting Change”, by Mike Dooley. The basic premise: our life is about the thoughts we think, and then just putting ourselves out there (and not worrying about the cursed “hows”…).

    Lovely writing, and it’s a joy to be here…

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