life is not an emergency!
now that is a surprise to me. i have spent years living in constant survival mode. every moment has felt like just another moment i had to make it through. i would think if only i can get through this, i will be happy. only thing, when i made it to the next moment, hour, day, i was still waiting. for what? i am not sure.
epiphany: if i can’t be happy in this moment, then i will never be happy.
something happened in my brain the day i was rear ended. it was a blindside i never saw coming. the worst part of that day is the trigger that went off in my brain. the fight or flight trigger. the everything is an emergency trigger.
it is natural. we were created with this instinct. it is an important reflex to have when you are in danger. your adrenaline surges and you miraculously find the strength to survive. but sometimes after experiencing a trauma like this, it can be difficult to turn this trigger off again.
only one problem. we are not meant to live in emergency. it is not really living. it is barely surviving. and it takes a toll on your body and mind.
i am learning now how to turn this trigger off. it hasn’t been easy. and i quite often slip back into panic, feeling like i can’t breathe. like i can’t make it another moment.
but i am learning. learning to breathe in each moment. learning to live in today. giving thanks for what i do have. being satisfied with the gifts that god has given me.
life is not an emergency.
life is a piece of chocolate cake to be savored with every sticky bite. life is a sunset to be slowly absorbed. life is a huge piece of watermelon in the scorch of summer with juices running down your chin. life is a wonder beyond words. and if you focus on all the tragedy you will miss all of these beautiful gifts.
after living in urgency for so long i am learning to retrain my brain. to drink in life. to live fully in each moment. to be grateful.
today i will be celebrating life. the life of my i can’t believe it 5 year old. her name is zoe, which means god breathed life. and she is exactly that. everywhere she goes, she lights up the room with her infectious laugh and her excitement for life. every day is a party for her. and i am going to drink up all of her beauty today.
photo was taken by a beautiful friend and talented photographer kristi jackson. she knows how to capture these moments of beauty. thank you kristi for sharing your gifts.
(this post was inspired by one thousand gifts)