what do you REALLY want?
week 35 of 52 weeks; ask a question. i almost became a medical transcriptionist instead of an artist. it’s true. i took the online class at a my community college, i studied my butt off, i practiced typing, i even almost applied. why did i want to be a medical transciptionist? it was predictable, safe and my family had a need. my husband kept telling me that i wouldn’t like it, but i didn’t listen. i thought it was what i wanted, but i wasn’t really listening to my heart. i didn’t know what i really wanted. it was around this time that i started playing in mixed media. and my life would never be the same. but what if i hadn’t listened to my heart? what would i be doing now? sure, i might be making more money, but i am sure i would be miserable. i am not even sure if the job would have worked anyways. but i had to ask myself what i really wanted. and so began my creative business and a wonderful journey.
why are we so afraid to ask ourselves what we really want? we don’t think it is something we can actually have. our inner critic tells us that we just don’t deserve it. we can’t have what we really want, so we bury those desires deep within our hearts. it hurts too much to even ask the question. so we continue down the safe path, the boring path. we tell ourselves that those desires don’t exist anymore. and yet, we see a glimpse of those desires surface every once in while. they can’t be avoided forever.
i meet people all the time that don’t really know what they want. the eighteen year old who has no idea what she wants to do with her life. the thirty something that continues to do everything that other people want for her. she fills her schedule with appointments just to drown out her own desires. the man who is stuck living paycheck to paycheck in a job that he truly hates. they chase after what they think they want whether it is a career, a ministry, or a family. they are so busy filling their time with what everyone else wants for them. they don’t truly stop to ask the question, and if they do, they don’t really listen for the answer.
i didn’t really know what i wanted when i was younger. i thought i wanted to be a kindergarten teacher. but it turns out i just wanted to express my creative side and teach. i thought i wanted to be stay at home mom. but it turns out that wasn’t enough for me. not that i don’t love being a stay at home mom, but that wasn’t all i truly wanted. it turns out i really wanted to create, and to share my story with others.
so what do you REALLY want? forget what other people want for you. forget practicality. lose your inner critic. ask the question and truly listen to your heart. then start taking steps in the direction of what you really want.