release your heart to dream
i was a kindergarten teacher and i both loved and hated my j-o-b. i loved the kids but hated the work, the never-ending stress. i worked maybe 60 hours a week. i had many sleepless nights. i was restless. the stress was taking over my heart and my mind. teaching became test scores, one year’s progress, unhappy parents. i had forgotten the reason that i began teaching. the beautiful smiles and open minds ready and excited to be filled with new knowledge. after four short years, i knew i could not handle the stress much longer. i knew that i couldn’t live here, let alone thrive. each day was a struggle, a battle to wake up and face my never ending list of things to do. teaching was wonderful in my head, not so much in reality. don’t get me wrong. there were fabulous moments. moments of wonder with my students where i lost track of time and got in the zone. but the cons had long outweighed the pros. i wanted a family. that was where my heart was calling me in the deep places. i couldn’t ignore it forever. i knew that if i had children, part of me would never leave the classroom. i knew that after pouring myself into my students all day long, that there wouldn’t be anything left for my own children. i knew that i couldn’t be ME in both places. so i had to choose. and i chose my own children (the ones not yet born). but how? how would i make this dream a reality? i felt stuck. like i would never see my dreams realized.
i was terrified. terrified to dream. what if i could stay home with my children? what if i could get out of this crazy trap? it seemed impossible, like it would never happen. my husband was following his own dream of starting his own business. how could i possibly quit my job? how would we pay the bills? up until this point in my life, i did not listen to my dreams. i pushed them far away to a corner of my heart where they would not be found. i was afraid of disappointment. my practical voice was screaming much louder than my dreams.
fast forward a few months… i entered the stadium filled with beautiful and confident women. the energy was explosive, contagious and powerful. i had never experienced an atmosphere so charged with energy and belief. the whole day was about building one another up, empowering each other to make a difference. and as i sat there in my seat, layers of unbelief and doubt began to slowly fall away. i started to dare to believe. and as i thought about all the possibility that lay inside my own heart, i began to weep. i know, a little awkward. but when something touches you that deeply, you can’t help it. it was on that day that my heart was finally released to dream. it was like i started to breathe in belief with every breath. i was no longer the kindergarten teacher stuck. i was powerful. i was strong and i knew it. the dreams came in waves and i accepted every one. i knew for the first time that there was so much more in store for me. i didn’t know exactly what those dreams were yet… but i knew that i was finally free to receive them. it was a choice that i made in my heart, a choice to block out the negative voices that were drowning out my dreams. a choice to be vulnerable and take a risk to dream wild dreams.
i did not return to my job teaching. i took a leap and left that part of my life behind me. it was scary, but i am so glad that i did. my heart was released to dream. stay tuned for my release your heart to dream painting coming soon!!!